Below is the twelfth public query critique I’m offering up on the blog. To enter, see the rules here. If you want a guaranteed critique (plus line edit) of your query or synopsis, private ones cost $35 each.
My comments are in blue below. To read the original query first, simply read only the black text.
Dear [agent],
I am looking for representation for my science fiction thriller novel [TITLE]: THE BEGINNING set throughout the 1990s. The novel focuses on the virtues of small town life contrasted with the short comings of organized religion and man’s need to fit in with society. Unless you have something more important than your character (like the fact that this agent requested you query him/her or if you met the agent at a conference), start with your character.
Lara Willard 