#CPPitch List

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cppitch

Here’s your list of fellow “single” writers searching for a CP! These will be arranged alphabetically by first name on the 22nd and every two days following. That way, if you come check the list again in two days, you can see who was recently added.

Want to enter? Find the Rules and Entry Form here.

Entries are closed! Thanks to all who participated!

Bold entries below are ones selected for an edit of their query and first chapter.

Comp Titles

Does one of these pitches remind you of another book or author? Tweet the author to let him/her know. I know how difficult it can be to find comp titles to put in my own query! Remember, the best Comp Titles tend to be less than 5 years old or were debut novels.

Spread the word

The more the merrier! Consider mentioning #CPPitch to your friends on social media or by email to get them involved.

New entries are marked with an asterisk. More entries will be posted on the 28th.

Fantasy

To protect the kingdom he’s sworn to serve, Morgan McRobbie must become its worst enemy.
—Keith Willis‘s TRAITOR KNIGHT, adult, 124K

In the 12th century, time-traveling musicians must save their kidnapped sister from almost certain marriage.
—Lara Willard‘s ROBIN EVANS AND THE WORLD SONG, adult, 65K

One girl’s magic makes her an outlaw from her own people, and she must join with those who burned her home in order to save herself. (Note: MC is a teen, but there are multiple POVs)
—Mary W. Jensen‘s FEY MOON, adult, 98K

A gangster in a heathen port city learns that he’s becoming a god, only to find out that they die too.
—Justin D. Herd‘s OF GODS AND MADNESS: THE FAITHFUL, adult, 85K

Fantasy Romance

When twenty-year-old Aidelle smashes a timepiece as her fiancé leaves her, sealing herself in a timeless reality, she must cross the volatile ‘timestreams’ to rewrite their argument or be erased from existence.
—Alexandrina Brant‘s WHEN THE CLOCK BROKE, adult, 80K

A slave and a prince work together to catch a murderer and find themselves falling (illegally) in love along the way.
—Melanie DeWitt‘s DUSTRIEL’S BLESSING, adult, 74K

In Mithos, where True Love is the strongest form of black magic, Martia must make a choice—kill her other half or submit to their wild new power.
—Tiffanie Lynn‘s THE SINNER ROSE, adult, 90K

Beta tried to forget the alien freaks that took her. But they aren’t having that. To survive she needs to remember what they did to her—fast, or risk everything she loves.
—Colleen Myers‘s CAN’T FORGET, new adult, 65K

Historical Fiction or Historical Romance

Forgotten silent film star Hester Carmella chronicles her rise to fame in 1920s Hollywood, her career given an unexpected boost when her sister is brutally attacked by the future Black Dahlia killer.
—Erin Foster Hartley‘s HOT TAMALE: THE LOST MEMOIRS OF HESTER CARMELLA, adult, 98K

The tangled love story of a tortured hero who must choose between letting go of the pain of his past, and the love of a woman he tried so hard to hate. WWI Europe.
—Sarah Bailey‘s ALONG CAME RUTH, adult, 71K

A family sacrifices everything, including each other, in order to build the Brooklyn Bridge.
—Tracey Wood‘s A BRIDGE BETWEEN US, adult, 78K

Treating his invention of a time machine like a superpower, Horatio becomes The Forever Man and returns to Belfast of 1909 to prevent the Titanic disaster—before the ship even sets sail.
—SM Rose‘s THE FOREVER MAN: THE BELFAST MISSION, adult, 107K

Romantic Comedy Crime Solvers & Fighters

Texan Colt Ryder uncovers a cryptic letter in Dublin Castle and the hunt for the Irish Crown Jewels is on!
—Anne Lipton‘s THE EMERALD EYE, adult, 76K

Single mom/artist/house-cleaner Jules must uncover how her deeply unpopular boss Ray ended up in a tote filled with bloody fish and slush, hopefully without ending up in a fish tote herself, a challenge for someone with her testy disposition and abrasive personality.
—Diane Carley‘s THE PROBLEM WITH RAY, adult, 73K

Other Genres, Either Funny or Romantic

When Diggs, a physically unfit graphic artist, unwittingly signs himself up to run a half marathon, it pits him not only to accomplish the training and finish the race, but to save his town from extinction.
—Alden Gilroy‘s NA Contemporary LOOK HOW FAR YOU’VE COME, 79K

Every book has a story to tell, separate from the one written on its pages.
—Ashley Brannan‘s Adult Contemporary (w/ paranormal elements) SILVERTHORNE AND BLOOM USED BOOKS, 80K

Monsters versus Mobsters versus Monsters in 1929 New England.
—D.R. Perry‘s Historical Paranormal THE CHANGED, NA, 74K

Fresh from a breakup, Michelle Fortes moves to France to heal her broken heart with cheese and wine, but instead finds culture shock, medical mysteries, and her wildest fantasies come true in Alexandre.
—Elle Marr‘s Romantic Mystery HEARTS IN ROUEN, NA, 76K

A duffel bag of money found under the floorboards of a double-wide trailer funds Mara’s fresh start, but when her past and her present begin to overlap, Mara is forced to face the lies she’s been telling and the dangerous man that’s hunting her down.
—Jillian B. Paige‘s Contemporary Romance THE LAST BITTER WORD, NA, 61K

While hoping to find a cure for a sexually-transmitted disease, Scarlett, a university student, has to avoid becoming sexual prey to a professor. A retelling of Little Red Riding Hood.
—Jo Wu‘s Steampunk Fantasy PLAYING PREDATOR, NA, 85K

An angel-museum curator is drawn into the secret world of a real winged warrior she is forbidden to desire.
—Kimberly Cooper‘s Paranormal Romance THE SKYRIDERS: RISE OF THE SUNBIRD, adult, 80K

Astrid just had the best day of her life with Theo, the man of her dreams, but a day later she has completely forgotten him.
—Margarita Montimore’s Upmarket Contemporary AWAKE AND ASTRAY, NA, 91K

Jody’s grandmother burns her own house down with Gramps still inside, and Jody must decide whether her loyalty lies with Gram or with the deceased Gramps.
—Gabby Gilliam‘s Women’s Fiction THE FARMER’S WIFE, Adult, 67K

Ivy knows that she could have avoided the whole scene, shown Adam the door and then quietly and consistently stalked him like good girls do, but quiet desperation just ain’t her style.
— Jessica Boothe Frye‘s Contemporary Romance SOME GIRLS DO, NA, 67K

Twenty-five-year-old doctor in love with her shy, stuttering best friend must overcome her mother’s disdain and his insecurities to live happily-ever-after.
—Shaya Roy‘s Contemporary Romance WWW.PERFECTMATCH.COM, Adult, 82K

LIFE AFTER REDBY is a magical romp through the mind of a deranged ex-soldier reliving her survival in Zombie Hell.
—Kaitlin Caul‘s Thriller LIFE AFTER REDBY, Adult, 74000

Professional demon-hunter Lazarus will take on any challenge, certain that anything he can’t punch through, his beloved boss can guide him around—but this time, his deadliest enemy is the one inside his own mind.
—Melanie Weisberg‘s Urban Fantasy CHAINBREAKER, Adult, 115,500

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Query #3 August 2014

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querylara

Below is the third public query critique I’m offering up on the blog. This will happen once a month (as long as I get a response). I choose one query per month. If your query is not selected one month, it will be in the drawing for the next month. Please do not resubmit unless you’ve made significant edits. To enter, see the rules here. If you want a guaranteed critique (plus line edit) of your query or synopsis, private ones cost $35 each.

Dear Lara Willard,

Just a note, when I received this query, half was double-spaced Times New Roman, and half was in single-spaced Arial. Make sure to paste without formatting when querying agents, so that the entire query appears the same.

I am submitting for your consideration BOOK TITLE, a 78,000-word YA Fantasy that will appeal to fans of Kristin Cashore’s GracelingGRACELING and Tamora Pierce’s Song of The LionessSONG OF THE LIONESS series.

Titles need to be in all-caps. Also, you need to mention up here that it is a retelling of Alice in Wonderland, and what makes it different from the original. P.S. Did you know that [your title] is the name of an Anime? 

Seventeen-year-old Alice never considered herself the suicidal type. Good hook That is until she finds herself trapped between the men who killed her mother,[no comma] and a five-hundred500-foot drop. Rather than face the killers’ dark plans for her, Alice jumps. Of course the killers have dark plans for her. This is unnecessary. But instead of death, Alice wakes up in a blood-soaked battlefield, where men in armour are slaughtering peasants. This is awkward grammatically. Change it to “instead of dying” or “Expecting death” or “Surprised to be alive”… Terrified, she flees and encounters a seer who believes she is destined to save this unfamiliar world from the evil queen,[no comma] and the tyranny of her army.

You have three sentences in a row that start with similar constructions:
“Instead of death, Alice…”
“Terrified, she…”
“Disguised as a man, Alice…”

If you fix the first one, they will all begin with participial phrases. Having one is fine. Two is pushing it, and three is too much. Three right in a row tells me you haven’t read this aloud, because while I read it (even in my head), I keep accelerating, then stopping, accelerating, stopping, and so forth. Participial phrases are less important than the main clause, but when they are set apart at the beginning of the sentence, the reader is forced to look at them. Participial phrases are like bridesmaids. They aren’t as important as the bride, the main clause. Bridesmaids need to be discreet. If they are jumping up and down and pointing at the bride, screaming (“Look at my friend the bride! Isn’t she important?”), we aren’t looking at the bride, we’re getting distracted by the bridesmaid. You can fix this my changing the first sentence to “Alice thought she’d die. Instead, she wakes up…” and the third sentence to “Alice disguises herself as a man to…[why is she disguising herself as a man?]”

Disguised as a man, [see above] Not only must Alice must survive the war between the queen and rebels, and she also has to evade the flesh-eating monsters stalking Wonderland. This is the first time you mention Wonderland. This is why you need to say it’s a retelling at the beginning, otherwise this transition will be lost. You don’t want the agent reading along and then all of a sudden going, “Oh, so this IS a retelling of Alice in Wonderland,” in the last sentence. Her growing lust for vengeance makes her determined this is passive. Say “determines her” to find her way home. As Wonderland falls into chaos, Alice discovers slaying monsters might have its price–being hailed as a hero–or becoming a monster herself. You had me up until this point, but this is where you lose me. Not my interest, just my understanding. I had to reread it because I didn’t understand how being hailed as a hero could be a “price” for slaying monsters. It sounds like the opposite to me—it sounds like a reward. Simplify. And I’m guessing that her lust for vengeance starts to grow after she starts slaying monsters. If so, combine the sentences and put them in the right order: “As Wonderland falls into chaos, Alice discovers that slaying monsters has its rewards, but it also has a price. When her lust for vengeance grows, she’s determined to find her way home before she becomes a monster herself.”

I’m an accounting graduate who won several writing competitions in the past. You should list these. Otherwise it doesn’t sound legitimate. I’m also a book blogger on young adult fiction. Include your blog under your signature.

As per your submission guidelines, xx pages are pasted  below. [find/replace double spaces]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[Redacted]

This looks like a great story! The problem is, it’s been told before.However, if you state at the top that it’s a retelling, you should also in a couple of words describe how it’s different. “YOUR TITLE replaces the silliness of ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND and ages it for more mature YA readers”—something like that. It’s your story, you’ll figure it out.

Your query pitch suggests the emotional stakes and theme. Part one: she runs away from monsters. Part two: but then she learns to fight them. Part three: she may become one herself. I’d focus on that as your difference. For ALICE IN WONDERLAND, the strength is in its nonsense. What makes your novel better in its own way? Yours seems to have the armature of theme, and the inner conflict of a reluctant hero.

If you want to revise and resubmit, I’ll take another look at it.

Do let me (and the other readers) know if you get requests for partials or fulls so we can rejoice with you!

Readers, please share any additional feedback you have, but note that comments are moderated, and if you don’t have anything constructive to say, or if you’re playing the troll, your comment will be deleted.

#CPPitch—a Critique Partner Mixer

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cppitch

Have you written (or are you writing) an adult or new adult novel?*

Do you want a critique partner to work with and improve BOTH of your novels?

Is your novel between 60,000–120,000 words?**

*For the case of this mixer, any novel with a main character 18 or older, or a novel with a young protagonist but adult themes (like The Ocean at the End of the Lane) in the genres listed below will be eligible. A “New Adult” novel has a protagonist between 18-25 and concerns itself with the transition into adult life: starting a new career, navigating college, or engaging in a serious relationship.

Young adult, middle grade, or other children’s books are not included in this mixer. However, if you decide to organize your own, I will link to your information!

**If your novel is not yet finished, you can still participate if you have written at least 60,000 words in this novel. You will need to critique your partner’s work first, and he/she should not critique yours until you are finished and have edited it yourself. If you have written more than 120,000 words, you can’t expect your CP to read more than that. My advice? Cut the fat, then have your CP read your novel. Otherwise find a CP with a longer word count also.

Genres

Since I’m running this shebang, I’m picking my own genres to include. If you write straight-up romance or mystery, you can easily find critique groups online. If you wrote erotica, please organize your own CP mixer! 

Is your novel one of the following genres?

  • Fantasy
  • Fantasy + Romance
  • Historical Fiction (also Historical Romance)
  • Romantic Comedy Crime Solving / Crime Fighting (Yes, I am that specific. Think Stephanie Plum novels, The Thin Man, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, or the TV shows Castle and Veronica Mars)
  • Other (Other genres like mystery, thriller, contemporary, or literary MUST include a generous helping of either comedy or romance. Erotica is not accepted.)
  • Time Travel (I can include this under Historical Fiction or Fantasy—whichever you think will be the best fit. For Science Fiction that is not time travel, it must include either romance or comedy, and it will be listed in the “other” category.)

These are how I’ll arrange your pitches. If you wrote a time travel novel, for example, decide which category has the most family resemblance. If you wrote a funny mystery or a romantic thriller, those would go in the “other” category.

I’m going to pick one pitch from each category and give that person a free line-edit of their first ten pages!

What I will not accept

Do not enter this mixer if:

  • …your pitch/query/first 250 has words in it that will trigger my safe search or result in my getting spam emails for penile enhancement
  • …your novel is erotica, a novel about a person’s sexual journey. If the O is more important than the connection made during a sex scene, then it’s too erotic for this mixer.
  • …the romance contains infidelity
  • …the film version of your novel would garner a NC-17 rating, either for gore or sex

This mixer is for fantasy, Historical fiction, and genre fiction with romance. One or two sex scenes is fine! Rated-R sexiness is fine! If you wrote a different genre but your novel is funny, enter it into the “other” category.

Again, if you organize a mixer for other genres, let me know in the comments and I will link to your information. 

How to enter

Here’s what you’ll need:

  • Your name
  • Your Twitter username (if you want people to connect with you)
  • Your email (this is how I will communicate with you. It will NOT be released to anyone else without your permission)
  • Your novel’s title
  • Age category
  • Genre (see above)
  • Word count
  • A one-sentence pitch (If your protagonist is in college or is younger, include that in your pitch)
  • Your query letter (Just the main pitch, not your bio or any salutations)
  • The first 250 words of your novel (250 words MAX. Stop mid-sentence or go under.)

You have until August 31st at 11:59 pm EST to enter. 

I will post your name, Twitter handle, word count, age category, genre, and one-sentence pitch in a new post on September 2nd. Entrants will be organized by genre, not age category.

See the current list here! Check back September 1st to see the final list.

If you write several one-sentence pitches and don’t know which one to enter, tweet them with hashtag #CPPitch, ask your friends to vote, and see which has the most favorites.

Add other authors and follow them on Twitter!

September 1st and 2nd

Pick 5 stories you think you’d like to read, at least 2 from your category. (That’s right! If you wrote a fantasy, that doesn’t mean you can’t pick a funny mystery to read!) I will publish a form on the 1st which you will use to submit your list to me.

September 3rd and 4th

I will mark any entrants that got chosen to be #PitchWars mentees. Congrats to them! But they can’t participate in #CPPitch. Then I’ll email each of you the query and first 250 words from each of your top 5.

(If there are more than 100 entrants, I am NOT going to email everyone. See disclaimer below.)

September 5th and 6th

Narrow down your top 5 to just 3. Email me back with your choice by 11:59 on September 6th.

September 7th

Wait patiently while I play matchmaker. Do not email me on any other subject, please. If you have questions, ask on Twitter. I will not respond to other emails at this time.

September 8th

Continue to wait patiently until you receive an email from me with the name of your critique partner(s).

Disclaimer

I have no idea how the turnout for this mixer will be. I will sort up to 100 entrants, starting with Fantasy and working my way down. If more than 100 enter, then I’ll still list the entrants and pitches for the remaining categories, but y’all will have to choose CPs amongst yourselves.

Final words:

Of course, you can ask other members if they will critique your work, but no one is obligated to work with anyone else. Besides, you want a CP that will enjoy your story, right?

I recommend exchanging one to three chapters at a time. If it turns out one of your CPs isn’t contributing, you don’t have to give them feedback. Then you don’t critique 50 pages for someone that only critiques 2 for you in return.

Remember, be cordial to each other. Be professional. Set reasonable deadlines, but be understanding if something comes up. And be honest if something comes up for you that will keep you from contributing.

Above all, be an easy person to work with.

Submissions are now closed. Thank you to everyone who participated!

(Do you see an ad below? If so, it’s a WordPress ad. I receive nothing from those sponsors. If you log into WordPress, you will not see ads.)

Quick & Easy Guide to Dashes

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dashes

hyphen (-)

A hyphen goes between words or syllables to link them together.

Example: Editors appreciate dash-savvy writers.

All English keyboards: the hyphen is the minus key next to zero.

en dash (–)

An en dash denotes a range between numbers or dates. It is so called because it is the same length as the letter “n.”

Example: The author used multiple dashes on pages 4–90.

Microsoft: alt + 0150

MS Word auto-format: enter [space], [hyphen], [space] between words.

Like this: word – word

Apple: option + hyphen

Smartphone or tablet: hold down the hyphen key until more options appear. The N-dash is probably the middle choice.

em dash (—)

An em dash denotes an interruption. It is so called because it is the same length as the letter “m.”

Example: Authors—even professional ones—often use dashes incorrectly.

Microsoft: alt + 0151

MS Word auto-format: enter [hyphen][hyphen] between words without spaces.

Like this: word–word

Apple: shift + option + hyphen

Smartphone or tablet: hold down the hyphen key until more options appear. The M-dash is the widest choice.