99 problems (in my submission pile)

These are 99 problems with queries. Read it, and you won’t be one.

Query is for a book in a genre I don’t represent.
Query is for a vampire book. Come back in 3-5 years.
Query letter is addressed to “Dear Sir or Madam” or “To Whom It May Concern.”
Query letter is addressed to “Dear Agent.” My name is not Agent.
Query letter is not addressed at all. It just begins, “Hi!”
Query letter is addressed to Kristin Nelson. (This is not a problem if you’re actually sending your query letter to Kristin Nelson.)
Query letter is 2 pages long.
Query opens with a rhetorical question.
Query opens with a tagline.
Author has spent too much time constructing a one-sentence hook and not enough building the rest of the query.
By the end of the query, I’ve learned more about the author than I have about the book. (Does not apply to nonfiction.)
I can see that you’ve copied 100 other agents…